20 Things Servers Do In Everyday Life

20 Things Servers Do In Everyday Life

Any fellow server can probably agree that we are a breed all our own. Martians, who all originated from the same mother-ship and have been re-united in a new point of convergence; our workplace. Some may call us crazy, however we prefer to say that we have come up with creative new ways to deal with the ignorance of society.

Now, this post is not intended to do what many before me have done and bash all restaurant go-ers, name every one of my pet-peeves, or explain why I hate my job. That's a topic for another day. This is a post about how service industry changes you and your daily life. Let us begin.

1.) 

We find ourselves at work on our days off

Why can't we stay away? Every day we swear up and down how much we despise being at work yet somehow we end up here on our days off, like a magnetic force has harnessed us. Must have something to do with the half price food.

2.)

 Never trust the lemons when eating out at other establishments.

We don't trust lemons. Each and every time I notice someone

 making ghetto lemonade out of a bowl full of lemons and the sugar packets on the table I want to inform them that it may be free but it's not worth ingesting that bacteria laden lemon wedge. Just say no to lemons.

3.)

 Many of us find our selves living a nocturnal schedule

Even if the establishment you work at closes at a decent hour, drinking is a necessary evil of service industry. Making last call is always at the top of your reasons for wanting to get cut early. Before you even know it the early-bird is chirping away at his buddies while you are just pulling into your driveway. Cue, vicious cycle. 

4.) 

We are the best house guests, not only do we clean up after ourselves, we clean up after you too!

When removing our selves from the dinner table we will probably ask to remove your plates as well. And your drinks. And your trash. And your silverware. Oh and did anyone else want another beer out of the fridge? 

5.)

 We know 20% of any number off the top of our heads. Rounded to the nearest whole number of course.

Even if you cheated off the Asian kid during the chapter on percentages and decimals, you could probably teach the course after working 6 months in service industry. #mathmajor #onlywhenitsconvenient

  6.)  

We put down the phone when talking to people. 

The majority of phone conversations should be held in private. Nobody wants to hear the gory details of a stranger's life. Michelle Tanner said it best, #howrude. For that reason, I won't subject you to hearing about the intimate details of what the cat did to my furry blanket this morning. You're welcome. 

7.) 

We are also great hosts/hostesses.

We know what you need even before you ask for it! Just consider us brain ninjas.

8.)
 We swear every morning that we will never drink again. 

Which is ironic because...

9.) 

 We drink to get sober.

Inevitably at some point in the day, someone is going to ask you if you're drunk. Sadly enough, the problem is that you're not. You know you have an issue when you feel more sober after a couple drinks. Let the vicious cycle continue. 

10.) 

Library, restaurant, grocery store, gas station, no matter where we are, we always say "Thank you" and "Have a good day/night."

Both out of habit and true sincerity, we genuinely thank those who have done us a service. So thanks Mr. Gas Station attendant, I appreciate you. 

11.) 

When setting up/serving dinner at the table at home, it is not unusual for us to carry 2 or more plates or drinks per hand.

Even in everyday life, we are more comfortable carrying 2 plates per hand than 1 plate per hand. That not-so-precariously perched dish on our wrist is what makes us more #efficient than you.

12.)

We bond with people over how much we hate most of the population.

It's just fact that nothing brings people closer together than mutual hate of a person. Or people. Or entire demographic. Lets go bond and have drinks while we talking crap about everyone we know. #howalltruefriendshipsbegin

13.) 

Stereotyping. I'm sorry. It just happens.

Unfortunately this is one of the things I'm not proud to admit happens, but it does. The only thing I can say to this is that if you do not want to be stereotyped, do not act like a stereotype.

16.) Our most important friendship, is the one we have with our favorite bartenders.

If you value your sanity to any degree, you are going to want to maintain a good relationship with your favorite bartender. You would be surprised how much more effective a strong drink is than a Valium.

14.)  

We are the best multi-taskers you will ever meet.

Run this food? I got 4 drinks that need to go out, my table needs silverware, the host just double sat me, I've got a 12 top of frat boys outside that want my undivided attention, a fat bitch at table 41 that needs a sixth cup of ranch and I've had to pee for the last 2 hours, but sure I'll run this food for you. 

#didntevenbreakasweat

15.) 

When we go out to eat, we like to write nice things to our server on the check. Especially if they are awesome!

Sometimes after a few drinks we will write the cute waiter a note that he looks like one of the studs on The Real World. True Story. 

16.) 

We stay cool as a cucumber under pressure.

What should make you cry and burst in to tears or want to quit is the fuel that keeps you going through the night. Pressure is what makes diamonds. Pressure is what makes us efficient and good at what we do.

17.)

 Our money managing tips are probably better than the financial adviser you are paying for.

We don't receive a pay check 99% of the time and when we do it generally doesn't total more than the cost of a gallon of gas. Since our income is an unpredictable as a winter in North Carolina, we are total pros at budgeting. We'll be taking that cruise this summer while you slave away over paperwork in your cubicle. #winning

18.)

We speak body language fluently.

Within the first 30 seconds of your presence being noted, you have been judged to a T. We already know how your day has been, how long you plan on being here, and what you're going to get to drink. See that guide HERE.

19.)  

We have perfected the perfect fake smile

No matter what terribly degrading and borderline illegal thoughts we are having you will never know because our poker face consists of a smile even when we are silently plotting your demise.

20.)  We tip, and we tip GOOD.

When tipping other servers we consider 20% to be sub-par. We'll hook you up, and since we almost always tip in cash, we look like 

#Ballers.

Calling All Caffeine Addicts!

I'm a bit of a coffee snob. I wouldn't call myself a connoisseur per-se, however given my past track record working for both a Caribou Coffee and a Starbucks, it's something that you would probably expect to see on my resume. I used to believe that coffee was just coffee. If I'm desperate enough and in a deep enough caffeine withdrawal I would probably drink just about any form of the stuff. If the brilliant men in the white lab coats come up with snort-able caffeine I will probably volunteer to be the lab rat for it. I'm hooked on the stuff in whatever form I can get it.

I've tried coffee from every corner of the world and from every end up the roast spectrum. See below.

A good coffee is very much like a good craft beer. It's flavors are handpicked and cater to all different palettes. Think IPA vs Budlight. 

If you have ever stepped foot into a Starbucks and just asked for a coffee, you've probably been asked a mind blowing question: Blonde, Bold, or Pike Place. 

Blonde roast coffee...sounds pretty innocent, cute, sweet, hopefully has big tits, so you roll with it because the bold just sounded too...bold. You're trying to take that siesta come 3pm, not be wired! WRONG. 

Common misconception: Bold roast coffee is stronger than light roast coffee. 

That easy to drink stuff is crack. Liquid, delicious, brown, crack. 

The roasting process of Light (Aka Blonde) and Dark roast (Aka Bold) cause a differentiation in the caffeine content which is quite measurable. The reason being is that, bold roasts are roasted for a significantly longer length of time to give them the more robust flavor that they possess. That extra roasting time destroys the caffeine in the beans. So if you're a bold roast, black coffee dare-devil and feeling a bit more sluggish than usual, but down the illegal stimulants and pick up a light roast coffee instead!  Your boss with thank you for it later. 

If your taste buds land somewhere in the middle of light and dark roast where you're trying to get your fix but actually want some flavor, a medium roast is a good place to start. You could go for that nondescript Pike Place. Or you could save yourself the $2.13 every morning and pick up a ginormous can of the best coffee ever to land on the shelf of a Walmart near you. 

"Chock Full O' Nuts is that heavenly coffee, the most heavenly coffee that money can buy."

The creators of Chock full o' Nuts may be a bit cocky as their jingle would imply, but they really hit the nail on the head with it. 

This is NOT your grandma's coffee. Well, maybe it is. It's been around since 1953 and for good reason. It's the greatest stuff on the shelf. You can kick that can of Folgers to the curb, it's no longer the best part of waking up.  

Chock Full O'Nuts is a medium roast coffee and tastes far superior to any coffee you will be able to find at your local Brew Hut. 

A 33.9 Oz Canister like the one pictured above retails around $12.99 HERE and can produce up to 270 cups of coffee. 

Lets do the math

$12.99 for a can of Nuts w/ 270 cups/can = $.048. A nickle per cup. 

270 cups of Starbucks coffee @ $2.13/cup = $575

I'm not a math major but those numbers speak for themselves. 

If you're one of those fancy Keurig people out there, no worries. Although I have yet to see Chock Full O'Nuts K-Cups on the shelf at my local Walmart, I have found a solution that may being you to tears.

A re-usable K cup. Purchased from Wally World for around $5, I found a similar one listed online HERE. This baby has changed my whole world. K cups already run on the expensive side, upwards of $20 for a pack of the name brand ones. You will never have to worry about buying K cups again. Pick up a bag or can of your coffee of choice, you obviously know by know what I prefer, pop a couple of scoops into your re-usable pod and you are good to go.

Kick back, relax and let the caffeine course through your blood stream. 

Oil Pulling 101

Oil pulling. 

You've probably seen the articles making their way around the internet recently. You probably shook your head at it and equated it to something that those crazy Whole Food's people do. 

Negative. 

I'm not one of those Whole Food's people. Far from it. Most of my shopping is completed in a Food Lion AKA the anti-Whole Foods. You don't need to be one of THOSE people to be concerned about your health.

If you're not familiar with exactly what Oil Pulling is, let me explain it to you. It is the practice of swishing oil around in your mouth for around 20 minutes. Oil pulling is thought to have been around for thousands of years and is mentioned in Ayurvedic texts.The purpose of doing a pull is to help remove impurities from the mouth. It has a lengthy list of benefits:

-Helps to whiten and brighten teeth

-Diminishes bad breath

-Healthier gums

-Prevents and potentials helps heal cavities

-Helps drain sinuses

-Lessens number of headaches

-Sleep better

-Feel more awake

-Higher energy levels

The list goes on.

It's actually a pretty simple concept to understand when you get down to the fundamentals of it. Oil is "sticky", as you swish it around it your mouth, it grabs on to all the bacteria and other junk, and holds it suspended in the oil. It is very important that you do not accidentally swallow the oil, as you do not want to be re-ingesting all the nastiness that you just pulled out of your body. As gross as it may sound, it's actually not an unpleasant experience.

Coconut oil is the oil of choice for most oil pullers. 1 Tablespoon is all you need. It starts as a solid which requires you to sort of...chew on it for a few minutes until it reaches your body temperature and turns into a liquid. Just envision yourself eating an Almond Joys. Those things are good. Be sure to spit the toxic soup out into a TRASH CAN and never into the sink, as coconut oil is a solid at room temperature and will give you plumbing issues later down the line.

If you have an affinity to the taste of coconut, or an allergy, HAVE NO FEAR! You have options. Sesame Oil is another common alternative although not quite as tasty as the coconut. The pull is performed the same way and for the same length of time.

So sit back, relax, and watch an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, while you do your first oil pull. Careful not to laugh and swallow!

Shots! Shots! Shots!

Hello, my fellow alcoholics. Functioning drunks. Chronic Drinkers. Whatever you choose to call yourself; we all come together for one reason. We like to drink.

Haven't you noticed, our social interactions revolve around alcohol a good percentage of the time? That is however unless we are still stuck in our teenage Pre-21 vices. In that case, you probably still coming together in social gathering but arrange yourselves in a smoker's circle instead of participating in drinking games. Or, maybe, you do both. Good for you. Multi-tasking is a good thing.

Let me get to the point.

I have compiled a list of some of my favorite shots/drinks/bad decisions.
Let us begin.
Note that much of this is written from a server's perspective.

The "Casual Male"

So you're a guy. You're "confident" in your sexuality. Yet you still won't wear pink, can't stand the though of an orange on your blue moon, and god forbid if someone asks you if you would like a Manhattan. Even a martini seems a little risque (Never seen James Bond?!?!?)
These drinks are for you.

1.) The all original Jack & Coke. 

The original Tennessee Whiskey. A staple for every man-cave liquor cart. I'm silently picturing you in a camo jacket when I see you drinking one of these. Feel free to toss the lime though, we know you like to maintain your masculinity. Please don't order it with diet or it defeats the purpose of a manly drink.

2.) Well Vodka & Redbull

Just hand over your fake ID right now. It didn't even look like you anyways. What is this, amateur hour? Oh, and enjoy your blackout.

3.) Scotch on the rocks

Yes, you. You're a Dewar's man. You don't mix your shit. You swirl your glass and get excited by the intoxicating smell. You also wear a suit, probably a fancy watch and people may know you as Barney Stinson. 

4.) Black and Tan

For the bi-polar beer drinker. You're a Boston Lager type of man. You're feeling a little bold tonight but don't want to commit all the way. The solution: This hybrid of your favorite beer and a half glass full of Guinness. 

5.) Whiskey Ginger 

You, sir, are very different than our friend Jack and Coke. You don't really like whiskey. You want people to think you like whiskey but you're not a fan of the taste. You should just be telling the bartender. "Light on the Jim heavy on the ginger."

6.) Bud Light 

You were waiting for this weren't you. Of course Bud Light made it on the list. It's always easy for you to find a drink when you go out, but not until you have made your server tell you ever beer they have on tap, and then decide to just go with a Bud Light. You also have the smallest bill at the end of the night, but wonder why everyone else is more drunk than you. You all drank the same amount! No, it's not because you're tolerance is really high.

Drinks for all the "Ladies"

Ah, ladies. You are often the hardest to please of them all. You don't like the taste of alcohol so you want a fruity drink. Okay, you get your fruity drink. BUT WAIT. You can't taste ANY liquor in it. The bartender clearly forgot to add the 1oz of Malibu Coconut rum to your tall glass, light ice, cocktail filled to the brim with pineapple juice. But sure, we'll re-make it for you.

1.) Margaritas

A female staple regardless of your ethnicity, however best to be drank on Taco Tuesday. Let me guess; you want it strawberry flavored, frozen, and with a sugar rim instead of salt. I'm right? 10 points to Griffindor. 

2.) Lemon Drop

Pucker up girls! I'm sure your man sees you make that face all the time.

3.) The Cosmo

You're having a ladies night out after seeing Magic Mike. Maybe you're have your '50 Shades Of Grey' book club meeting, or discussing the last re-run of Sex and The City that you watched on Netflix. What better way to pay homage to your raging female hormones than with a Cosmo. You look like you're drinking a My Little Pony. 

4.) House Chardonnay

Ouch. You're living a boring life aren't you. You've been married for upwards of 15+ years, your husband just isn't doing it for you any more and if you're lucky enough to get anything at all, it's most likely missionary. The worst part is that you're probably drinking most of the bottle in one sitting and doing it while watching either Friends or your Sex In the City re-re-runs. I'm sorry for your loss. 

5.) Mint Julep

You're the most respectable female on our list to-date. You're classy. All your hat boxes wont fit in the hall closet any more. You're already planning your next family trip to the Kentucky Derby. You have mastered the art of the home-made mint-julep and your husband or girl-friends have already been schooled more than once on the difference between a mint-julep and a cocktail.

6.) Hard Cider.

You can't drink this when you're out with your guy friends because they will simply give you hell. I take that back, you can't drink any of the drinks on this list without your guy friends giving you hell, however hard cider tops the list quite high. If you would like to try a more subtle alternative; Red's Apple Ale, is the way to go. Ditch the bottle and play it cool, pretend it's beer. Hopefully he won't ask what you're drinking.

The People You Wish Would Just Leave

1.) Natural Light

First of all, let me just proclaim that if the first beer you ask about is Natty Light. You will have terrible service the majority of your experience because you're server/bartender has already deemed you a waste of time. Chances are you end up with a PBR. 

2.) Top Shelf Long Island Iced Tea

Ahhh. LIT's. Nobody make's Long Islands at home. These are what you order when you are going out, looking for an inexpensive drink with a lot of liquor so that you can get drunk for cheap and not leave a tip. The second you ask for anything "Top Shelf", your bartender will make the same assumption they did when your other friend tried to order a Natural Light. 

3.) Corona. On Draft.

#Facepalm

If there is anyone who as ever seen Corona on draft anywhere in America; please let me know as soon as possible. I'm confused where people ever got this idea.

5.) Heineken

Heinken is one hell of a skunky beer. It reeks just as heavily of pot as you did when you and your girlfriend walked your asses in here and the two of you managed to take up every inch of space in a booth meant for 6 people. 

5.) Any Malt Liquor 

No. Just No! 

Shots! Shots! Shots!

1.) Alien brain hemorrhage

A nasty mixture of Peach Schnapps, Blue Curaco, Bailey's and Grenadine this shot surely cannot taste good, however it looks fascinating and is a great conversation starter. Order a round of these and be ready to get dirty looks from the bartender.

2.) Jagerbomb

I'm actually kind of mad at myself for posting this hellatious shooter on here. Jagermeister haunts my nightmares occasionally. Regardless. Due to it's popularity I couldn't leave it off the list. I will however, put a disclaimer that it tastes like absolute garbage, will give you the worst hangover of your life, and you will probably be throwing up black crap in the morning. With that being said...Enjoy your bad decisions. Cheers!

3.) Flaming Dr. Pepper

A fun shot to take with a couple of friends. I suggest you don't invite your already trashed friend to take a shot of one of these with you. From experience, I have seen a flaming trail of liquor make its way down a bar before from an un-coordinated frat boy. Unless you are a professional fire-breather, don't forget to blow out the flame PRIOR to taking the shot. burning you lip is not pleasant no matter how many drinks you have had. Found that lesson out the hard way.

4.) Baby Guiness

One of my all time favorite shots. A glorious combination of Patron XO which is a coffee flavored tequila, and Baileys. Bailey's is a holy grail of liqueurs. You can begin and end your day with Baileys. Drink it with your coffee, then a Baby Guinness shot later on to end the night. I suggest trying it with a Chocolate liqueur as well. UV Chocolate cake was a great one however I believe it has been taken off the shelves recently. Sadface.

By the way:

 CHECK OUT THE BABY GUINNESS JELLO SHOTS

I am so stoked to make and and try those some time soon. I couldn't contain my excitement about them, I had to share it with you all. 

5.) Washington Apple

It's like a party in your mouth. Like drinking a liquid gummy worm.

6.) Fireball

From a female who thinks that regular Jack Daniels taste like over ripe bananas, Fireball has become my vice. It doesn't require chilling, or training wheels, no mixer, no backer, no ice, no nothing. Some people can drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and walk a straight line, no problem. If I tried that, my head would be in the toilet before the bottle was halfway finished. Fireball on the other hand is MY Liquor. I could drink this stuff all day just fine, and have. Probably not a good thing to admit. It's always a good bet for a round of shots with friends. You are hard pressed to find someone who gags after a shot of fireball.

-Fin-

I hope you all enjoyed this post. Now go out, have some fun, make bad choices, and meet some people that you won't remember tomorrow morning. Most importantly please drink responsibly!

Here's The Low Down On the J'Adore Vox Box

Hello fri

ends. We meet again.

Today I'm going to be showing you all the goodies I got in my J'Adore Vox Box From Influenster for the month of February. In case you still don't know what Influenster is, check out my previous blog for a full detail description of what the site is and how you can get one of these Lovely boxes for F-R-E-E. Yes, you read that right.


1.) An AMAZING pair of false lashes. I received the KISS Lashes from their Looks So Natural Collection. I received the "Shy" Lashes. Below is a photo of myself wearing the lashes. They are anything BUT shy. I have received more compliments than I can count on these lashes, you can see why! I'll let you in on a secret. I've been wearing these lashes every single day for well over 10 days and they are still perfect.

My one tip to you: Do NOT use the glue included in the package. Not because the glue is bad. Oh, contraire my dears. I swear it is re-packaged SUPERGLUE! I was sticking to myself for hours and it took 3 washes to get it off my lashes, let alone my face. Just no. Pass. Use a different lash glue. You'll thank me later.

By the way, if you think you will love these lashes as much as I do, you can find them online HERE. Use promo code KISSLSN for 25% off your order.

2.) I am now the owner of a full sized tube of Boots Botanics Shine Away Ionic Clay Mask. Boy, that was a tongue twister. Please excuse the face I'm making below. It doesn't mean I don't like the product, I'm just a weirdo. I'm sure many of you have tried the Queen Helene's Mint Julep Mask. This is very similar. I found the texture to be a bit runny when I first opened the product, It kind of drooled out into my hand but it thickened up the more product I squeezed out. It dries very quickly, less than 7 minutes till it is bone dry. 

I can't give a through review yet, I've only used it 2 times, but it hasn't broken me out so that's a plus!

 3.) Next on my list, the first thing I saw when I looked in the box, and the first thing I opened up when I was done filming the unboxing which can be found HERE.
                                           THE HOLY GRAIL OF ALL PMS CURES.
Can you say CHOCOLATE? I wish I could bathe myself in the goodness of Hershey.
Just so you are fully aware how big this bag is: It's 1lb 2.5 OZ. That's FAMILY SIZE. Well this family of 1 over here wasn't going to share. The first thing I thought? "I'm about to make this bag my b*tch."

Much to my dismay before I could devour the entire contents in one sitting, my hairspray exploded inside my work bag along with this precious cargo and I was faced with Aqua-net scented/tasting Hershey's kisses. Rest assure, I did the best I could to savor ever morsel however some were simply too sticky and succumbed to an 80's scented death. Sad.

4.) Moving on. I got a sample size of John Freida's Frizz Ease 3 Day Straight Spray. 

Let me put a disclaimer here. I do NOT go 3 days without washing my hair. Can you say Grease-Monkey? Look, I'm already an oil-slick by midday so by day 3 I would probably be drowning in my own oils. 

Instead, I found an alternative use. It's a pretty darn good de-tangler. It rivals my Jheri Redding Leave-In Conditioner and that is a holy grail product for me. Bravo! John Freida, just...not what you intended it to be for. I did however get to day 2 before I was so uncomfortable in my own natural oils that I had to dive head first into the bath. Here's my 2nd Day hair. Still Straight, but there's about a pound of dry shampoo holding it together. 

5.) Last but not least. I give you: TEA. I received 4 samples of Red Rose's Tea. 3 were Creme Caramel Black Tea and a De-Cafe Lemon Chiffon Black Tea. 

I have only tried The Lemon Chiffon thus far. Don't get it twisted now, De-cafe isn't quite my cup of tea; pun intended. However, since it is O-Dark Thirty at the moment, I figure I should suck up my caffeine addiction and roll with the Lemon Chiffon. It's bangin' 

It ain't no Quad Venti Iced Americano with Heavy Cream and 2 Splenda's (I'm aloud  to be that complicated because I worked there), and sadly it doesn't have any alcohol in it, but it's safe to say it makes a nice night cap. First of all, it smells divine, like if you liquefied one of those lemon flavored girl scout cookies. YES PLEASE. Secondly, it doesn't require any milk/cream so all you skinny Minnie's trying to be on a diet don't have to worry about the extra 30 calorie intake. 

Thanks for reading y'all! Check back on my blog soon to see what other SUPER EXCITING things I will be testing out!

"I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes."