20 Things Servers Do In Everyday Life

20 Things Servers Do In Everyday Life

Any fellow server can probably agree that we are a breed all our own. Martians, who all originated from the same mother-ship and have been re-united in a new point of convergence; our workplace. Some may call us crazy, however we prefer to say that we have come up with creative new ways to deal with the ignorance of society.

Now, this post is not intended to do what many before me have done and bash all restaurant go-ers, name every one of my pet-peeves, or explain why I hate my job. That's a topic for another day. This is a post about how service industry changes you and your daily life. Let us begin.

1.) 

We find ourselves at work on our days off

Why can't we stay away? Every day we swear up and down how much we despise being at work yet somehow we end up here on our days off, like a magnetic force has harnessed us. Must have something to do with the half price food.

2.)

 Never trust the lemons when eating out at other establishments.

We don't trust lemons. Each and every time I notice someone

 making ghetto lemonade out of a bowl full of lemons and the sugar packets on the table I want to inform them that it may be free but it's not worth ingesting that bacteria laden lemon wedge. Just say no to lemons.

3.)

 Many of us find our selves living a nocturnal schedule

Even if the establishment you work at closes at a decent hour, drinking is a necessary evil of service industry. Making last call is always at the top of your reasons for wanting to get cut early. Before you even know it the early-bird is chirping away at his buddies while you are just pulling into your driveway. Cue, vicious cycle. 

4.) 

We are the best house guests, not only do we clean up after ourselves, we clean up after you too!

When removing our selves from the dinner table we will probably ask to remove your plates as well. And your drinks. And your trash. And your silverware. Oh and did anyone else want another beer out of the fridge? 

5.)

 We know 20% of any number off the top of our heads. Rounded to the nearest whole number of course.

Even if you cheated off the Asian kid during the chapter on percentages and decimals, you could probably teach the course after working 6 months in service industry. #mathmajor #onlywhenitsconvenient

  6.)  

We put down the phone when talking to people. 

The majority of phone conversations should be held in private. Nobody wants to hear the gory details of a stranger's life. Michelle Tanner said it best, #howrude. For that reason, I won't subject you to hearing about the intimate details of what the cat did to my furry blanket this morning. You're welcome. 

7.) 

We are also great hosts/hostesses.

We know what you need even before you ask for it! Just consider us brain ninjas.

8.)
 We swear every morning that we will never drink again. 

Which is ironic because...

9.) 

 We drink to get sober.

Inevitably at some point in the day, someone is going to ask you if you're drunk. Sadly enough, the problem is that you're not. You know you have an issue when you feel more sober after a couple drinks. Let the vicious cycle continue. 

10.) 

Library, restaurant, grocery store, gas station, no matter where we are, we always say "Thank you" and "Have a good day/night."

Both out of habit and true sincerity, we genuinely thank those who have done us a service. So thanks Mr. Gas Station attendant, I appreciate you. 

11.) 

When setting up/serving dinner at the table at home, it is not unusual for us to carry 2 or more plates or drinks per hand.

Even in everyday life, we are more comfortable carrying 2 plates per hand than 1 plate per hand. That not-so-precariously perched dish on our wrist is what makes us more #efficient than you.

12.)

We bond with people over how much we hate most of the population.

It's just fact that nothing brings people closer together than mutual hate of a person. Or people. Or entire demographic. Lets go bond and have drinks while we talking crap about everyone we know. #howalltruefriendshipsbegin

13.) 

Stereotyping. I'm sorry. It just happens.

Unfortunately this is one of the things I'm not proud to admit happens, but it does. The only thing I can say to this is that if you do not want to be stereotyped, do not act like a stereotype.

16.) Our most important friendship, is the one we have with our favorite bartenders.

If you value your sanity to any degree, you are going to want to maintain a good relationship with your favorite bartender. You would be surprised how much more effective a strong drink is than a Valium.

14.)  

We are the best multi-taskers you will ever meet.

Run this food? I got 4 drinks that need to go out, my table needs silverware, the host just double sat me, I've got a 12 top of frat boys outside that want my undivided attention, a fat bitch at table 41 that needs a sixth cup of ranch and I've had to pee for the last 2 hours, but sure I'll run this food for you. 

#didntevenbreakasweat

15.) 

When we go out to eat, we like to write nice things to our server on the check. Especially if they are awesome!

Sometimes after a few drinks we will write the cute waiter a note that he looks like one of the studs on The Real World. True Story. 

16.) 

We stay cool as a cucumber under pressure.

What should make you cry and burst in to tears or want to quit is the fuel that keeps you going through the night. Pressure is what makes diamonds. Pressure is what makes us efficient and good at what we do.

17.)

 Our money managing tips are probably better than the financial adviser you are paying for.

We don't receive a pay check 99% of the time and when we do it generally doesn't total more than the cost of a gallon of gas. Since our income is an unpredictable as a winter in North Carolina, we are total pros at budgeting. We'll be taking that cruise this summer while you slave away over paperwork in your cubicle. #winning

18.)

We speak body language fluently.

Within the first 30 seconds of your presence being noted, you have been judged to a T. We already know how your day has been, how long you plan on being here, and what you're going to get to drink. See that guide HERE.

19.)  

We have perfected the perfect fake smile

No matter what terribly degrading and borderline illegal thoughts we are having you will never know because our poker face consists of a smile even when we are silently plotting your demise.

20.)  We tip, and we tip GOOD.

When tipping other servers we consider 20% to be sub-par. We'll hook you up, and since we almost always tip in cash, we look like 

#Ballers.